Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Productive Employees Multitask

Subject: RE:
I was attempting to add some funny fodder to my blog but am having issues with the pages loading. We have some sort of server issue. But check back later.

Subject: RE: Okay. You do that from work?

Subject: RE: Sometimes. I type about 1651615 wpm and must multitask or I fall asleep.

Subject: RE: You’re fast. I‘m only about 1 and a half million a minute.

Subject: RE: You see how fast I type my e-quips. Imagine me re-living the funniest moments of my work life over and over. Every day. It’s thoroughly enjoyable and secretive.

Subject: RE:
Good for you.

The Last Good Hair Day

Subject: RE: Autumn Colors
I’m having a good hair day. Wish someone was here to see it.
M

Subject: RE: Autumn Colors
My last good hair day was around 1983, but I digress.
D

Nature's Silent Decay

Premise: M sends her coworker D beautiful foliage photos, taken from her lunchtime drive around town on a nice October day.

Subject: Autumn Colors
From my drive at lunch.

Subject: RE: Autumn Colors
Quite lovely, even though those colors actually symbolize death…

Subject: RE: Autumn Colors
Yeah I know.
I find beauty in dying things. Like, when I’m craving meat and I eat the leftover lasagna in the fridge, even though the hamburger in it’s been decaying silently for days.

Subject: RE: Autumn Colors
You’re a rebel. A risk taker.

Subject: RE: Autumn Colors
Each time, I pray my stomach survives the night. But it sure beats cooking.

Subject: RE: Autumn Colors
Rebel with a cause…

Friday, October 23, 2009

Run for the Border! Run...Ruunnnnn.....

Willie [3:33 PM]:
so anyway... they ship things pretty quickly too... unless of course they are out of stock.
Mina [3:33 PM]:
u mean like our company
Mina [3:34 PM]:
AHAHAA
Willie[3:34 PM]:
lol
Willie[3:34 PM]:
ummmmmm well if you are going by the new "company" taken over by mexico then no
Mina [3:35 PM]:
the new company will be called "Rapido" and their logo will be like a tortilla with a red cross on it
Willie [3:36 PM]:
LOL nice
Willie [3:36 PM]:
and they give you whatever they feel like at the moment so its always like a surprise you never know what youre going to get
Mina [3:39 PM]:
the contents are thrown into a fajita made of bandaids
Willie [3:45 PM]:
you get it 5 weeks late to so it will be nice and green when you receive it
Mina [3:47 PM]:
it's shipped via "FiestaMail" and when you open it, pieces of confetti in the colors of the Mexican flag fly out
Willie [3:49 PM]:
LOL NICE!
Mina [3:51 PM]:
when you call for help cus you're missing half your order, they put you on hold to the tune of "La Bamba".
Willie [3:52 PM]:
Ha! then when you do get someone you better have you spanish dictionary because they dont speak a lick of english
Vican, Mary [3:57 PM]:
Oh dear lord..

Feeling Tingley All Over

Subject: Tingley catalog
FYI – I just downloaded the Tingley Rubber footwear & protective clothing catalog and have placed it in our Server in the “N – Competitive Cross-Ref” file.
I also attached above if you wanted in your own files.
Respectfully,
J

Subject: RE: Tingley catalog
Made me feel tingley!

Subject: RE: Tingley catalog
So much better than feeling “Anselly”

Subject: RE: Tingley catalog
Anselly is too close to many other disgusting adverbs. Especially when they sell prophylactic devices.

Subject: RE: Tingley catalog
I FEEL DIRTY AND CHEAPENED BY THIS EMAIL.

Subject: RE: Tingley catalog
Me too.

We LUV our Customers!

Subject: So NOT professional?
"If you would like to write us we would LUV to hear from you! Our address is:
Southwest Airlines,P.O. Box 36647 - 1CRDallas, Texas 75235-1647."


Subject: RE: So NOT professional?
LUV – are you freakin’ kiddin’ me?!?! Oh, that wasn’t so professional either, was it?

Subject: RE: So NOT professional?
Then they ask to email them with any flight feedback or “Kudos”.. WHAT!

Subject: RE: So NOT professional?
Begging for praise reveals a bad self image.
If you have to look for credit, kudos or thank you’s – it’s usually because you know you’re not doing a good job and want someone to coddle you.
Scary… Imagine if the FDA said = please tell us if you like the way we’ve tested this beef and labeled it Grade A – aren’t we great?

Subject: RE: So NOT professional?
Imagine if the bottom of our orders asked for feedback.

Subject: RE: So NOT professional?
AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA - “Tell us how we’re doing on your First Aid delivery!”

Subject: RE: So NOT professional?
How about this:
On scale of 1-5 as described below, please rate our price book usability.
1- Fabulous, the book practically reads itself!
2- Pretty darn good, it’s efficient for daily tasks and has enough info
3- Unh, it’s missing info and is confusing to use
4- I can barely read the font, the phone # listed is 1-800-BAD-BOOK, and the pages are bright fuschia, so it’s in my trash basket.
5- What price book??? Am I even still a distributor, cus the address you have on file for me is from 125 years ago.

Subject: RE: So NOT professional?
You forgot – “WHO are you??? HSP, NBH, SBH…. Oh, I only order $7.26 worth of bandaids every 4 years – why would I need a price book that you’re not sending me anyways??”

Subject: RE: So NOT professional?
I would end the survey by offering a free packet of our O/H Pro-Tabs “for the cluster headache which has probably been forming in your brain from participating in this survey”.

The People of Walmart

Premise: Mina sends email with horrifying photo shots of rednecks and psychos shopping the aisles at nationwide Walmarts, wearing thongs, showing their cracks, wearing garbage bags for clothing, etc.

Subject: FW: People of Walmart #4
I knew I hated Walmart for a reason.....
Mina

Subject: RE: People of Walmart #4
I check the site at least twice a day. Priceless.
David

Subject: RE: People of Walmart #4
Just think how many of them try on clothes and put them back on the rack, fecal matter and all.
Meliss

Subject: RE: People of Walmart #4
Reason #1 I don’t shop there.
David

Subject: RE: People of Walmart #4
Or at least run your new jammies through the Maytag a few times, to get rid of those skid marks.
Meliss

Subject: RE: People of Walmart #4
Melissa, please move on now.
D

Melissa can't help herself.
Subject: RE: People of Walmart #4
I’ve seen women putting on full makeup in the cosmetics aisle. Lalala, like it’s nothing, just another date, why pay $5 when you can slap on some spackle right then and there. Same women who paint their toenails right through their flip flops and put the fungus-infested brush back in the bottle.
M